QUESTION:
Dear Dr.:
My soon to be X-girlfriend, is a 31yr. old adoptee. Her adoptive parents are good people, told her at about 3 yrs. that they went to a place where there were lots of wonderful babies, and thats where they got her. After seeing her birth mother at a wedding, with her happy 7 grown children, she seems to be on a downward spiral of self-destruction.
Our relationship was dysfunctional and abusive. It seems that I am the rescuer here, She is like a vessel that cannot be filled, constant attention, $, love, isn’t enough, Her abusive behavior seems to fit into the Borderline Personality Disorder category, blames me, over reacts to trivial things and blames me, drinking to much, puts me down, berating in public and privately, thinks that she is somehow better than me, constant validation from men, criticizing me to everyone she meets, has a convenient memory, I have left the relationship as I have seen the light of my enabling and co-dependency, low self esteem, etc., etc. I know this sounds ridiculous but , she truly is a wonderful lost little girl, who desperately needs help, is there a way you could help me to help her? A test of some kind , a starting place to open her eyes to the possibility that she might have a disorder of some kind?
ANSWER:
The screening test I use for my patients will be of use to her. The front cover of my first book “Life at the Border – Understanding and Recovering from the Borderline Personality Disorder” has been made with your purpose in mind. If the BPD does fit, she can go over the criteria.