Alcohol and Self-Destruction?
QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
My sister-in-law is 32 and attempted suicide last night. She swallowed 15 pills her doctor gave her – and was drinking heavily. She has snapped back today and is doing quite well. My question is how can I help? We live in the same city but haven’t seen each other for more than 3 years. She has been in and out of detox centers, halfway houses, and other treatment centers for the past five years at least. She either escapes from these places, or graduates and tries to lead some sort of life, then has a relapse. When she achieves some sort of success (e.g. landing a job or staying sober for a short period) she has a relapse. She seems to be in the very advanced stages of alcoholism. Her mother has thrown her out of the house numerous times – always seeming to accept her back. She has no car, house, job and has not lived any type of a normal life since her father passed away over five years ago (her mom and dad are divorced). I would not consider her relationship with her father close, he was an alcoholic as well. She “hates” my wife who did not seem to inherit these problems (alcoholism and BPD) like the rest of her siblings. Five kids, my wife and one brother are very successful and happily married with children etc., the other three have some sort of issue with either alcohol, drugs, or BPD or all three.
My sister-in-law is also the god-mother of our six year old boy. She was able to see him three weeks ago at my mother-in-laws house and she gave him some “gifts”. She used to be a nanny and had some childrens toys etc. One of the items she gave my son was a gift my wife and I gave her for being in our wedding. We thought this was a sign of a potential suicide. Anything you can recommend I do would be greatly appreciated. She seems to be headed toward self-destruction. We keep thinking she hits rock-bottom, but then proceeds to go deeper. I heard you on 850 KOA in Denver this morning.
Thanks for your help,
M.
ANSWER:
The key word is HOPE! I cannot possibly overemphasize this concept. I have many alcoholics as patients, and they are often difficult. The most significant factors for recovery are 1) making all the diagnoses and treating them, and 2) getting them in an environment both with someone who cares for them and doesnt drink (AA is the best).
Your wife probably knows her sister reasonably well. The screening test can be extremely insightful. Printing up the home page of this Website and for “Life at the Border” and showing them to her may be very, very helpful – and has helped many people.
The person has to be willing to have a good life, and not everyone is willing to do so. Its crucial that your sister-in-law learns about the diagnoses and understands that real answers exist and that hope is a genuine and valid feeling for her.
