Biological Unhappiness

What Can be Done for Pathological Liars?

Diagnoses such as the BPD, Attention Deficit Disorder, and anxiety disorders can trigger lying as a way of dealing with stress. This is particularly true if lying was the learned behavior as a child.

It can be difficult changing this behavior. The first step is to get the diagnoses made and treated. Affirmations, listening to Ziglar, and professional counseling are all crucial to recovery. The bottom line, however, is that the individual has to make the decision that lying is not a smart approach.

It’s important to recognize that their lies could come back and hurt you. It’s important to prevent that!

Another reference is: www.NoDeception.com.

Is There Anything I Can Do to Avoid a Disaster?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

My wife of 12 years fits all 9 criteria for BPD, although she hides it very well outside the home. So far I’ve been able to stay on the roller coaster from crisis to crisis, but the latest one seems to be heading for a crash. Starting 3 months ago she has become obsessed with the idea that I am having an affair with the next-door neighbor (a woman in her mid-forties, happily married with two small children and not particularly attractive.) Nothing seems to change her mind, not even two separate polygraph tests which I easily passed.

She is also convinced that I am slipping drugs into her food and drinks so I can carry on the affair at night in our home while she sleeps, even right next to her in our bed. Her proofs are spots of make-up bits of hair she finds and collects. Every day and every conversation is a rotation of accusations, anger, tears, sarcasm and threats, with no attempt to shield anything from our two daughters, ages 7 and 10.

She says she is just waiting to save enough money to take the kids and leave me. She won’t get professional counseling, because she doesn’t think anything is wrong with her. When I suggest we go together, she thinks I’m trying to prove she’s “crazy” to get rid of her and save our assets. Even a group confrontation, with her 5 sisters, their husbands and her mother, has not worked in the past. The kids need their mother, and I love her and don’t want to see her hurt. Is there anything I can do to turn this situation around and avoid a disaster?

ANSWER:

Youre obviously caught in an extremely difficult position. Assuming what youve written is true and that she has the BPD, she is likely caught up in her psychotic memories. When fearful, angry or stressed, borderlines often misinterpret the world – seeing things from the perspective of a cornered and wounded animal. Unfortunately when the psychosis is over, things remembered during this state are often remembered as accurate. Thats why those with the BPD can seem so believable to an outside observer.

Medication can make a huge difference, but remembering things that didnt actually happen is a very difficult thing to deal with. The individual with the BPD has to be willing to understand that some of their bad memories are correct, and others are not.

While you may need to take legal action, there are two things you can do that would make a difference:

1) Get into counseling yourself. This might help you with some communication, to sort out your feelings, and if legal action is required, the courts would likely look favorably on your case if you went into counseling first.

2) Get a copy of my first book “Life at the Border” – or print up the front cover and leave it on the coffee table without saying anything. Borderlines are in a great deal of pain, and usually find the front cover compelling. Once they start reading – and they understand hope is possible – youve accomplished an enormously important first step.

What about Diet and Nutrition?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

Why do I see no mention of diet & nutrition in your web site’s discussion of mental illness? This is a major factor in the biological imbalances that may be present, and just prescribing drugs is a mere cover-up that often exacerbates the underlying problem while creating drug dependency/addiction, since the patient will be worse than they were to begin with if they stop their medication. By eliminating certain foods and adding others, as well as giving appropriate supplements of vitamins, minerals, and amino acids, you can often bring about dramatic improvement. Why are you so anxious to make drug slaves out of your patients?

ANSWER:

Diet and nutrition play a key role for everyone. I do go into this in my book “Biological Unhappiness.” I dont think the tone of your letter would be as hostile if you understood how much I believe in nutrition and taking care of ones health. The positive changes medication can make cannot be ignored. Based on your last sentence, have you considered that you might be deficient in something yourself – whether it be nutritionally, medically, or in compassion and understanding for your fellow man? That degree of hostility, misinformation and demeaning of those who need medications is not a sign of good health – nutritionally or mentally.

For many individuals with “Biological Unhappiness” diagnoses, nutritional and poison problems are indeed a problem. Hair levels of lead worsen AD(H)D, as do deficiencies in fruits and vegetables. Hypoglycemia can worsen mental health diagnoses. Sometimes the insulin/sugar system is so out of balance that temporarily stopping carbohydrates (e.g. Atkins or Sugarbusters) is an excellent idea, particularly for those with carbohydrate cravings. Many people poison themselves with tobacco, alcohol, excess food, a bad diet, lack of exercise and various other things. They often actually are “treating” their medical problems with the “wrong drugs.”

Were a three legged stool – mind, body, spirit – and clearly all three need to be working well. Whatever can be done nutritionally should be done. Nutrition wont change mental health genetics, however, nor will it change the mind of someone whos interpreting danger that there really is no danger. Being healthier in every way – including nutritionally – is a wise choice.

Diet and 12 Step Programs Helpful?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

I have had most of the symptoms and could have answered yes to most. Since I’ve been on Kay Sheppard’s (Food Addiction, the Body Knows) food plan and attending a 12 step program for food addiction my life has been much more manageable, almost normal. Does this fit with your plan for recovery?

ANSWER:

Most 12 step programs make a huge difference. In addition to the structure and support, they offer a spiritual approach which is vital. Self-esteem and self-confidence are usually bolstered dramatically by helping others. I believe strongly in the importance of mind, body & spirit.

Short-time, carbohydrate-free diets can be extremely helpful as well, particularly for those with the BPD and panic disorder as hypoglycemic spells are very damaging. I often recommend the short term use of the Atkins diet. High protein and/or high fat diets (and the choice is fat, protein or carbohydrates) have been shown to markedly increase the risk of cancer, heart disease, strokes, and osteoporosis. Its why the American Diabetes Association abandoned that diet a few years ago.

I know many individuals who have told me similar things. When they get on the medication they need, the difference is remarkable. The symptoms of most biological unhappiness disorders are medically oriented, and can be reduced by good nutrition and worsened by bad nutrition. This has been clearly proven in those with attention deficit disorder.

Did I Cause My Son To Have BPD?

Did I Cause My Son To Have BPD?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

My teenage son has every describable symptom for BPD. He is at the last school in this city that will accept him and is due to be expelled from there. He now has other people feeling sorry for him to the point that I am being thought of as the one who is at fault, even though I have two other children who are enjoying life and getting on well without attempting to destroy their lives. I am a student mental health nurse myself and am sure I can spot when something is not quite right. However this has escalated to the point that I am starting to believe that as a mother I am terribly inadequate. This has come about since my son has had some close contact with a few very close friends of mine who had more or less insinuated that it is me that is at fault, (purely because he has ‘sucked them in’). Is it possible that such a ‘terrible mother’ can have two young children that just get on with life doing childish things that do not hurt others and one other that is intent on doing exactly what he wants regardless of the effect on other people. This includes (at the age of twelve) sexually abusing a young girl and at the age of thirteen beating up another young boy and then throwing him into a canal, (this resulted in him being cautioned by the police). Please tell me it is not me that is ‘not well’ and in addition that this sort of behavior is not just (and I quote one of my friends), ‘normal teenage shit’. thank you.

ANSWER:

There’s a term for what’s necessary for an average success called a “good enough mother.” It’s likely you were at minimum that considering your two other children are doing well. Even if you have significant problems yourself, your son’s behavior is up to him, and he clearly has his siblings as a role model. I’d look into the major diagnoses I go over in the screening test and also for childhood onset bipolar disorder. The effective medications are dramatic, and it doesn’t matter how many medications one has been on, what matters is which ones, in which doses, and in what sequence. What’s in your heart is also very important. If you honestly believe you did your best, you don’t need to answer to anyone. Reading “Your Erroneous Zones” by Wayne Dyer may be of help to you in this regard.

Separator (Biological Unhappiness)

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DID – Is There Really Any Hope?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

Is there really any hope for someone with dissociate identity disorder?

ANSWER:

I believe so, based on my experiences. Everyone I’ve met with the DID also had the BPD.

I’ve had a few who did very well, actually. The keys are the same as for everyone else – get all the diagnoses made per the screening test, have a plan for stress, and retraining the brain.

The DID requires a few extra challenges:

1) The patient virtually always needs daily epilepsy medications – which are often referred to as mood stabilizers. Tegretol (carbamazepine) is the best in my experience, far better than Depakote, Neurontin or Lamictil. I’m just starting to try Topamax and will keep this Website informed as to how it works.

2) The individual must have their symptoms aggressively treated. Feeling threatened, anxious, dysphoric, etc. must be dealt with quickly.

3) The individual must be kept safe. Nighttime problems seem the worst, and I’ve had some success with motion sensors and a large dog for some patients to make them feel safe.

Beyond that, everything else remains the same. The individual must do everything with all their energy, particularly the brain retraining. Everything I mention in the brain retraining section must be done, and I’d strongly recommend the individual do everything mentioned in chapter 7 of Life at the Border – particularly the mood checks. Counseling is necessary of course as well.

It’s not possible to overemphasize how important it is to learn how to be optimistic, healthy and happy. Ziglar’s tapes and the books I recommend, particularly “Embraced By the Light” by Betty Eadie and “Happiness is a Choice” by Barry Neil Kaufman are very, very important. I’ve never seen an individual with DID do great who didn’t listen to Ziglar and read positive books every day.