Q. I am a 41 year old woman diagnosed with BPD. I have two questions for you, if I may. I am taking Zoloft and BuSpar and my mood swings and anxiety are pretty much under control. I want so much now to become the person I always knew I could be. But because of my past, I don’t trust myself at all. If I have an idea, I don’t know if it’s ridiculous or legitimate. So, I have the relief of knowing there’s hope and help for me, but I feel frozen into inaction because I’ve made so many mistakes in my life and ran in so many directions. I’ve been a dreamer for so long, it’s all I know how to do. How can I learn to trust my feelings and intuitions like “normal” people do?
My second question is, when I begin to delve into my past to figure out why I am this way, the pain is too unbearable to continue. Is it necessary for me to understand specifically how I became BPD? Is it sufficient to say, I was not nurtured and then move on with my recovery?
This website is the best I have found. Thank you for being there.
A. Thank you for asking such great questions.
First of all every day we start over. Don’t confuse past problems with future reality. As Zig Ziglar says “you are not stuck with you!” People like you are a joy to treat, because you want to know how.
I have written some areas on this website about what to do. I would strongly recommend three things right away: 1) read the books I recommended 2) get Zig Ziglar’s “How to Stay Motivated” tape series and listen over, and over, and over and over again. Zig will teach you. 1-800-527-0306 3) Do the affirmations recommended by Mr. Ziglar on this website
Your second question is one I feel strongly about. No you don’t need to relive your past, except somewhat to understand why you get stuck at times. It will never, never, ever make any sense. People who hurt you were themselves ill, hurt by ill people before you. All that matters is what we do from here. Due to the nature of psychosis and dysphoria, many BPD bad memories are extremely distorted or wrong. It’s almost impossible to determine which was which. The best bet is to choose who you want to be and do everything possible to reach that goal.
If you were standing on a street corner and some driver lost control of his car and the accident resulted in a fractured hip, what matters – getting your hip fixed and getting on with rehabilitation and life. Whether the driver was drunk, had a seizure or heart attack, or had car trouble is an issue for the police and insurance companies. Your job is to get treated, heal and get on with life.