Q. I just got out of an 8 month relationship with a person who has claimed to have BPD. She is a professional woman, with her own practice, and is in a kind of “pillar of society” position. But work seems to be the only thing she can really do in a stable manner.
Our relationship was an emotional roller coaster. She was divorced a few years ago, and according to her, stemming from that divorce was a severe depression with chronic insomnia. She attempted suicide, and told me that she was given a diagnosis of BPD, which she doesnt believe.
She claims her depression was “situational.” She was on 5 drugs: Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Zoloft, and Serzone. She claims that they changed the drugs a lot because it was hard to find one that agreed with her. She also has had a lot of gynecological surgeries and issues, including 6 miscarriages and a hysterectomy.
She told me she was raped, and her husband did not believe her. With that in mind, she claims to have healed herself, and does not believe in therapy anymore for herself.
When we met, she told me that she had transgender issues, in other words, she feels she is a man in a womans body. She does dress and act very masculine. She also has sexuality issues. She would fluctuate back and forth on the sexuality issue. Against my better judgment, I pursued a relationship with her.
It was a constant battle, pushing me away and pulling me back in. She is very introverted with her feelings, not discussing them and hanging up the phone or walking away, and then calling back at all hours, crying and blurting out her issues. She claims to have no better love in life to be alone, and she says she never gets tired of being by herself. Then she would cry and say “Dont leave me”.
She also has an online alter ego, a male, whom she has given my personality traits to (including my birthday). This “alter ego” would send me e-mail and such, and I knew very well it was her, but she denies it, stating he is a good friend. I also have spoken to a woman who was having an “online affair” with this alter ego. The two people are exact, right down to things said and promises made. When I confronted her with this, she got very angry and defensive, and did not have any true proof that this person existed. She also claims that this man no longer speaks to her because of me, and she is angry with me for destroying their friendship. The issue with the alter ego is one that goes on in circles, and even though I have ended the relationship, I still hear from this woman.
She is currently making claims of illness for herself, and for her family as well. The alter ego is also tormenting another woman via e-mail, begging her to come back to him. Is this all bizarre? Yes.
I am emotionally drained from it all. I was just wondering what your thoughts were. I am a human services professional, and the people I have spoken to agree that she has BPD traits, but also other personality traits emerged. Or is she just a vicious, compulsive liar? I would hate to think that. Oh…and one more thing, she said that people with BPD cannot be married for 15 years, that is why her BPD diagnosis was wrong……
A. The last remark is absolutely untrue. The BPD is a medical diagnoses. This individual seems to have much more going on than just the BPD. One fascinating report indicated that approx. 50% of transsexuals lost that desire when the epilepsy medication tegretol was taken.
The big issue for you here is why would you want to spend so much time and energy on a person who absolutely doesn’t want help? You need to find out more about yourself and concentrate on your life. Both your friend and you deserve a happy life, but it sounds like neither of you is on that path.