Q. I have never been diagnosed with any disorder. All I know is what my psych class has talked about. I do know I am a very moody person swinging from great self-esteem to reminding myself that I am nothing. I have been cutting myself since age 16, I’m 19 now. I want to seek help but am afraid I will get kicked out of the military. My cuts are never too deep, just enough for me to bleed, a reminder that I am still alive. I do not wish suicide, but I want an escape. I hope there might be some advise you could give.
A. I don’t know what all your diagnoses are, but your story is as classic as classic gets for BPD self-mutilation. It’s to relieve the pain. With extremely rare exception borderlines don’t want to die, they just want their pain to stop. When the pain becomes unbearable no hope seems possible, suicide becomes a perceived viable option. Your description is concerning for bipolar disorder as well. You need a good evaluation and a thorough diagnostic evaluation. You need to seek medical and psychiatric attention right away, as you are possibly a danger to yourself or others. Tell the physician or therapist that you’ve been self-mutilating, and the story with your mutilation. Good luck.