QUESTION:
Dr. Heller,
For years I suffered from chronic depression and PMS. Recently I was diagnosed with MS, and looking back, I can now see that the fatigue and mental confusion was a result of the MS and exacerbated by the other problems. I am 52 now, and take Effexor for the depression. I also now know how to manage the MS. My problem is my ex-husband, who divorced me a year ago. These things put a strain on our relationship and continues to, because he calls the MS my f…ing excuse. It seems he almost tries to make things harder for me and it is impossible to talk to him about our son or finances without him getting angry. He is 51, and off and on for 4 years now has been with a woman 23 years younger than he is who roller blades. He gets extremely depressed when they break up, which is often. I have tried to educate him about the symptoms I have and hope that someday he will see that it was the illness, and not me. Is there any way to reach him so we can relate to each other as two human beings who are the parents of a teenage son? We were married for 20 years.
ANSWER:
I know this sounds like a cop-out answer, but you’d be far better off working through this with a professional therapist. The therapist can spend more time with you and give suggestions in this regard. One thing you can do is talk with your son. People know when kindness and love are permeating your life instead of anger. Your son can probably tell if what you say is done out of love. You might consider telling your son that you have a disease of your nerve cells that has caused you lots of problems. Showing him literature from MS organizations may help as well. You can relate to your son that his father hates you because of your illness and that you want to get along for your son’s sake. Ask your son for suggestions in this regard. Either way, you don’t need your ex-husband’s approval to be a successful person, or to treat your son kindly.