Does This Mean I Have the BPD?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

Thanks for your time. I suspect I may have BPD and have suspected for some time. I know you can’t make an official diagnoses but I was wondering if you could tell me if it’s a possibility. I’m 26 years old and have very intense anger. It is mostly geared towards my husband who I lash out at and say horribly mean things to. It is black and white with him. When I get angry I almost always hit my head or bang it against the wall. I also self-mutilate, which I have been doing (along with hitting my head) for about 10 years. I’ve had terrible anger for the same amount of time and longer.

I also have an eating disorder. Mostly at night, I get extremely bored and have feelings of emptiness. But it depends. If I’m having a depressed mood, which can last for about 3 days before it goes away. If I’m depressed I feel empty anyway. But if I’m not, I still switch into rages and feel mostly empty at night. To counteract this I self-mutilate, scream and yell till I’m exhausted, or binge eat till I’m so full I can’t stand it. This is very intense for me and I have been very depressed.

On normal days, without depression, I don’t find I have mania. I just feel able to function normally. These usually last about three days also, going downhill as I get to the third day. My anger is very sudden though. I also get paranoid sometimes. Not to extremes though, or where I rule my life by it, just suspicions that I think probably aren’t true but don’t know for sure. Things like people listening in on my conversations in the house with walky talkies ( I have a baby monitor) or people knowing how awful I am, but being nice to me so they can set me up for a fall. My jealousy of my husband is extreme though and causes lots of grief.

Thank you for your time.

 

ANSWER:

Any time an individual has to deal with “intense anger” the BPD must be considered. Self-mutilation is a strong clue as well.

If you simply look at the official criteria, I think you’ll see that you fit it very well. The front cover of my first book “Life at the Border – Understanding and Recovering from the Borderline Personality Disorder” shows many of the symptoms those with the BPD have to deal with. There’s lots of information in both of my books and this Website that can be extremely useful to you. “Life at the Border” is on the recommended reading list at the National Institute of Mental Health. The front cover can be found on this Website.

The BPD is a treatable medical problem. I encourage you to find out more ASAP!