QUESTION:
Hello!
I have a few questions. First let me give you some background information. I have a 26 year old brother. I have some concerns about him. From a very young age (7-8) he started being cruel. He used to beat me up (I am 2 ½ years older). He left home when he was 16. He always seems to think that everyone has everything given to them. Just before he moved out, he told a number of people that my parents beat him all the time (they do not, nor ever have). He recently started to tell people that my husband beats me. Again, this is completely untrue. He will tell us that he has a promotion at work, and then have to ask for money.
I am at my wits end, and never know when he is going to either threaten to hurt someone, or start an untrue rumor which may harm the person. My question is: how can I help my brother to understand that he has a problem. I have spoken to him about his drug use, and he has stopped using drugs. I know that he did not stop because of me, but at least he is not still taking them. This is putting even more of a strain on my family. Is there any way to help him? I would appreciate any help.
ANSWER:
If he has a severe character disorder or the antisocial personality disorder there is nothing that can be done at the present time, although Im confident some solutions will be available in the future. In the strongest terms possible I recommend he listen to Zig Ziglars tape series and/or consider attending one of his “Born to Win” seminars. It has been my experience that most people want to be happy, successful and honest, but they have either lost their way or are in a great deal of pain that interferes with their judgment.
There are many diagnoses, however, where lying and antisocial behaviors are sometimes the response to their neurological problems: Bipolar disorder – particularly in children can cause a pattern of profoundly antisocial behavior. This is particularly true during mania, but also as a defense after its over due to the intense humiliation a bipolar mania episode can bring. Attention Deficit Disorder can result in impulsive behavior and lying. Often the defense for acting or speaking without thinking is a quick reply that isnt thought through adequately, as if its an instinct. Many individuals have this symptom go away with medications like Ritalin. The borderline disorder can cause lying behaviors because of fear of consequences, humiliation about behaviors, and psychosis – where the “cornered animal” response kicks in and the individual believes (remembers) things incorrectly. The psychosis is a terrible problem because the individual cant distinguish between reality and their misinterpretation. The individual with the BPD “believes” things that arent true, act on them, and subsequent behaviors “prove” that he/she was right due to a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” The generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, phobias and other anxiety disorders can also cause lying behaviors to reduce the fear and the perceived risk of consequences. All of them can cause substance abuse – which in and of itself can cause the behaviors you described. You might consider printing up the screening test and the back cover of my new book at http://pks.947.myftpupload.com.