QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
I am 25 years old and have just recently been diagnosed with BPD. Although I was in therapy for the past 8 years because of my symptoms I was never brave enough to be totally honest and get the diagnosis I needed until just a few weeks ago. My first major symptom was very persistent, and sudden disassociation, then anxiety mixed in, and now for the last 3 years it has been intermingled with intense anger. Of course my personal relationships are terrible, etc. I fit all the categories except self mutilation and suicide attempts/threats. My coping/self harming mechanism was sex. I have recently been prescribed Neurontin for my anger and am waiting for the weekend to try it.
In your Website (and book) I read that my symptoms mentioned above are conducive to Epilepsy. Is THAT really what has been wrong with me for 8 years? Can you explain the connection to BPD a little better? I also have a goiter, although my TSH levels are fine, I take Levoxyl to reduce the size – is it possible that a thyroid problem really is affecting me even though my TSH levels are fine? Do you offer any workbooks for those of us who do not live near your practice??
I consider myself high functioning and have really wonderful qualities that get so masked by BPD – I have waited 8 years for a diagnosis and now that I have it I am so eager for a clear understanding and a “cure”. I pray for the day that my “fog” disappears!!!!!! I am eagerly waiting to get a grip on my professional career and it is so frustrating to know that I’m not at 100%, 100% of the time!
Also, I do not remember any sexual abuse in my past – although sex was my motive for control. Does that imply sexual abuse? Also, I lived with a step mother from the age of 11-15 that could so easily be defined with BPD – she was mean and I was terrified the whole time I lived with her – could that have been the cause?? Is it about finding the cause or as you say “reprogramming the brain”? I understand that concept completely – I dealt with some pretty intense anxiety and learned to reprogram myself then, instead of dealing with side affects of medications (Prozac drove me absolutely crazy!!!)…is it the same concept??
I’m sorry to babble – I hope you have time to answer all of my questions. I am grateful for your Website! I hope someday to publish a book that I have written of my life and all the situations I found myself in. I never could find a way to end it because it seemed to just continue in the same pattern no matter how aware I was. Surprised as I was, it can end now with a diagnosis of BPD. Although, I hope to add one more chapter called “Recovery”. I had always thought it would end that I would find a wonderful man or win the lottery and my life would then be wonderful…I never would have guessed this disorder was at the root of all my evil!!
God Bless you!
ANSWER:
1) Yes, I believe the BPD is primarily a form of epilepsy. 2) The BPD is commonly associated with thyroid problems, although goiter isn’t one of them. 3) I do not have any workbooks, but it’s an excellent suggestion. 4) What you described doesn’t mean sexual abuse, although it doesn’t mean you weren’t. 5) You need the right medications. If Prozac made you ill, you likely also have the GAD and need BuSpar. Please take a look at the screening test and the FAQ section in “Ask The Doctor”.