- Is It Just A Phase?
QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
I have a 16 year old daughter. She is the oldest of 4 girls. My husband and I are happily married for 19 years and are financially secure. Our daughter began to have problems in grade 9 (14 years old). Her marks began to fall and she began to get into trouble at home due to her rebellion and acting out. She frequently would lie about where she was going, since we would always drop her off and pick her up she was always found out. She would be grounded, seen contrite and then almost immediately she would do the same again.
We have since found out that she has been somewhat promiscuous and has been experimenting with marijuana. In grade 10 her marks really fell to the point of failure and she was angry all the time. She was diagnosed with depression and has been on 40mg Prozac since Nov 99. She is regularly seen by a therapist but the problems continue. She treats her sisters badly, she lies to us all the time even about the silliest things. She has been taking money from our wallets and cars. When she’s caught she always apologizes and seems sincere but again, the behavior continues.
She pines over kids who are not her true friends and desperately tries to fit into their groups. It is truly heartbreaking for us to watch. We love her and want to help but she seems to hate our meddling. She has gained at least 40 pounds in the last 2 years.. She is 5’1″ and weight about 170 lb. We signed her up at a gym that she wanted to go to but now she just sits in her room and eats. She sneaks food out of the cupboards and spends the money that she steels on chocolate bars and cigarettes.
Yesterday was the turning point. She blew up, hit me, screamed at both my husband and I and said she hates us. Our Dr. says its a phase and she’ll grow out of it but she is tearing our once happy family apart. Her sisters are afraid of her because of her anger and so I’m sure she feels shunned by them. Everything we do to help doesn’t. I’m wondering if she has been misdiagnosed. Help us please. She is a pretty girl and is able to behave for other people but for us she is a big concern. If you have any thought on this I would be very grateful.
Thank-you, me.
ANSWER:
It’s not just a phase, and her entire life is at risk. At minimum she almost certainly has the BPD. I’d highly recommend you read as much about it as you can about it. The addition of Tegretol to her Prozac could make a profound change within hours. The screening test I use for my patients will be of enormous assistance to you as well, and I’d particularly recommend you look at attention deficit disorder.
