Should I Tell My Wife? * Dr. Leland Heller is a family physician who has treated thousands of patients with the Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is a medical disorder and that this and other Biological Unhappiness disorders are treatable with medication first and then by retraining the brain * Biological Unhappiness * BiologicalUnhappiness.com

SHOULD I TELL MY WIFE? Should I Tell My Wife? Ask The Doctor Dr. Leland Heller Biological Unhappiness Should I Tell My Wife? Should I Tell My Wife? SHOULD I TELL MY WIFE? Should I Tell My Wife? Question: Dr. Heller, First, I can only imagine how many emails such as this one you must receive.  I would not be contacting you if I felt I had not exhausted all other avenues available to me as the husband of a wife who has been diagnosed by two mental health professionals as having BPD.  If you could take a minute to read this and respond, I would greatly appreciate it. The question is rather straightforward: SHOULD A PERSON WHO SUFFERS FROM BPD BE TOLD THAT THEY HAVE THIS DISORDER?  This question literally torments me, because even though I’ve been told about my wife’s diagnosis, she has never been told.  I’ve been advised by therapists that I, as her husband should not be the one to tell her (i.e., the message to me has been that it is not dishonest because “the most loving thing for you to do is to not tell someone suffering from BPD that they have BPD”.  For almost a year now, I have held true to this advice. About six months ago, however, I had real hope for change because my wife enrolled in the DBT Training Class within Vanderbilt’s Psychiatric Clinic in Nashville.  Unfortunately, after my wife completed the program and after 22 years of marriage, my wife in one of her rage states physically abused/injured my 18 yr. old daughter and then as I tried to break it up, I got a fist from her to the face.  This is something I will not stand for.  I am insisting that my wife acknowledge that she has a “rage issue” (but did not mention BPD or say anything to suggest a “disorder”) and that she get help.  She seems open to this and characterizes her problem as “anger management”. So, back to my question, it just seems logical to me that a person suffering from BPD needs to know of their disorder so they can understand how the disorder may be influencing their behaviors, their tendencies, and how then to best get help or skills in addressing these behaviors.  How else does someone get treatment and develop the right skills to help with a disorder without knowing or understanding what the disorder is?  This would make no sense to me.  Now I see my wife wanting to get help, but most likely going to the wrong place (anger management).  Worse yet, in one joint therapy session where the therapist was pointing to some issues on my wife’s side, my wife said “if you are suggesting that I have some deeper, underlying issues, I wish someone would put a label on it, it would bring me a lot of peace.”  This particular systems therapist was 65 years old and is not really bought into BPD or labeling people with anything for that matter.  She spent many months working with my wife one-on-one with a systems therapy approach and then was “shocked” when my wife lost it on her about how broken she was and what a waste of time the therapy was.  The therapist told me it took her two or three days to recover from this which just reinforced with me how clueless this person is with BPD patients.  Other therapists have told me individually that being able to put a label on it is huge. As I type this note, I just want to scream.  I really feel my wife needs to know about her diagnosis, that it could greatly facilitate her healing, yet I’m told by “professionals” that this could really backfire.  She has great motivation to get better, yet I feel that she is not getting the help she needs.  Without her getting the help she needs, our marriage will not survive this latest physical episode.  Would you please let me know if you believe a person with BPD should know that they suffer from BPD?  Is it fundamentally important to their healing?  Any suggestions on how to best communicate this to a patient?  Any words of advice would be appreciated more than I can express! Dr. Heller’s Answer: As the motivational speaker Zig Ziglar says: “The truth can be denied but it can never be avoided.”  The BPD is a neurological illness (likely glial cell dysfunction) with an instability and epilepsy in the brain’s “trapped, cornered, wounded animal” instinct area.  It responds remarkably well to the right medications.  The unprovoked mood swings, chronic anger and irritability, emptiness, boredom, rejection sensitivity and the frequency of rages can be controlled by the right dose of Prozac (fluoxetine).  Tegretol can markedly lengthen their “fuse,” and as needed medication is available for rages. Letting them know is not easy, and they’re likely to get angry when you tell them.  My recommendation is at http://pks.947.myftpupload.com/AskDoc/q1.htm. The “Life at the Border” book itself is more effective when left on the coffee table so the individual can discover the diagnosis by herself. 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You can watch and listen to Dr. Heller in the comfort and convenience of your own home.  Provides full explanations and treatment descriptions of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – 90 minutes, other Biological Unhappiness disorders – 90 minutes. Click here to find out more about Dr. Heller’s educational videos. Should I Tell My Wife? “Biological Unhappiness” “Open this book and it will open your mind.  By combining proven medical procedure with hope and inspiration, Dr. Heller has made a significant difference in thousands of patients who had little hope for recovery.  “Biological Unhappiness” contains critical information for those who have lost hope.”Zig Ziglar, motivational speaker, author, See You at the Top, Over the Top, Success for Dummies, Raising Positive kids in a Negative World. Should I Tell My Wife?    Should I Tell My Wife? Dr. Leland Heller  Dyslimbia Press, Inc. 1713 US Hwy 441 N, Suite E • Okeechobee, FL  34972 • 863-467-8771 Email: Hours: M-Thu. 8:30AM-5PMFri. 8:30AM-12 Noon*(*During November through April, the office is open until 3PM on Fridays.) All material not explicitly credited otherwise is copyrighted © 1999-2011 Dr. Leland Heller. All Rights Reserved.  May not be duplicated without the permission of Dr. Leland Heller or Dyslimbia Press. Biological Unhappiness™, BiologicalUnhappiness.com™, & Dyslimbia Press™ are trademarks of Dr. Leland HellerDesigned and/or hosted by the webmasters at: US-Webmasters.com (TM) Start here to find it FAST!(TM)