- What Is Happening To My Grandchild?
QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
I need to know if Bi-polar or personality borderline is hereditary. I have my nine year old grand-daughter. I have had her for four years now and it has been pure hell for me. Her mother has been diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder. Is that also called Bi-polar? My grand child is so difficult to get along with. She thinks she does”t have to obey me or do her chores (very little). She has tried to manipulate and when that doesn’t work, she “punishes me”. She gives me a very hard time.
My husband and I are almost to the end of the adoption process. Three more months. My g-child has every one of her mothers traits. If she doesn’t get her way, she’s hard to live with. I’m ready to let the state take her and place her in a foster home! I don’t know what to do any more. She wants to wear make-up, bikini’s, “sexy” clothes etc. When I say NO she ignores me and goes about doing things any way. She has seen her parents have sex and slept in the same bed as them.
She is my son and his girl friend’s child. They drink heavily and do drugs (still) and have violent fights. They have been arrested so many times in one month that it puts a real criminal to shame. Now my G-child tells me she wants to have sex!! So does the little girl down the street.
We fight constantly. I had to spank her tonight for her disrespect to me and she doesn’t eat much because her friend at school told her she was fat. We are 62- and 63 years of age, but we are all this little girl has. She can not have contact with her parents until she is 18 years old.
She has the best of clothes and toys and is involved in a few activities after school. She has a beautiful room and more than any kid she knows. But she does not appreciate any thing and shows no respect to me. She was the “boss”, as she says, in her mom and dad’s house and she tries to pull rank with me. I don’t think she likes me very well at all. My heart is broken. I don’t sleep well , sometimes up all night like last Thursday and tonight. I worry about her so much, because I love her dearly.
Yet, I don’t believe I can take this any more. Her grades are falling from an A to a D, no matter how much I help her. She doesn’t focus in school and wants to be boss there. She thinks she’s a real tough girl. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
She’s had counseling for three years. I’m at my wits end.
Now she wants to “date”. Oh yeah, she’s in 3rd grade, and to think like this – has been since she was five. I now have an appointment with the school counselor but I’m afraid he can’t do much. My E-mail is at the top page of this letter. I need help in trying to save this child. Or what to do? I can’t and won’t take this much longer. Every one has talked to her but she doesn’t listen. She’s beginning to lie and steal from me. There’s more.
Thank you.
ANSWER:
Both the BPD and bipolar have a strong genetic component. There could be many diagnoses present in your grandchild, but childhood bipolar is clearly at the top of the list. http://pks.947.myftpupload.com/BP-Bi-AD.htm should be of assistance to you. She needs professional help ASAP!
