WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO LEAVE SOMEONE WITH THE BPD? 
Ask The Doctor Dr. Leland Heller Biological Unhappiness 
WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO LEAVE SOMEONE WITH THE BPD? 
Question: Why is it so difficult to leave a BPD? What is the best way to do it without the self harm, begging and erratic behavior that follows and leaving the non-BPD with a lot of guilt. I am drained by the last 3 years of draining roller coaster rides. I need your advice to let her go with love or should I just cut contact. Sometimes I think I am strong enough to be supportive but then I realized that my mind get clouded in this whole thing and I cannot seem to leave and do not even know whether I love her or feel sorry for her anymore. Thank you for you time. Dr. Heller’s Answer: There are many possible reasons and they depend mostly on the person who is with the individual who has the BPD. I go over the main type of people who fall in love with borderlines in “Life at the Border.” The major reasons usually relate to the following themes: 1) Its hard to leave someone you love (with or without the BPD). 2) When you love someone, and youre afraid they will collapse or commit suicide if you leave, it can be especially difficult to leave. 3) When someone with the BPD falls in love, the brain is flooded with endorphins and their symptoms go away for 3-15 months. They are purely in the “white” and feel enormously relieved to be “rescued” from their misery. This feeling can be intoxicating and hard to surrender for the “significant other”, even when its no longer present. The memories and the occasional “reminders” of how things were can be extremely difficult to give up on. 4) Children, including stepchildren. When you are raising your kids (or stepkids), it can be gut wrenching to leave them to be raised by someone you know is unstable and mentally ill. Choosing to suffer in order to protect the children is a common theme, although it rarely works out in the long term. 
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