WILL HE EVER COME BACK? 
Ask The Doctor Dr. Leland Heller Biological Unhappiness 
WILL HE EVER COME BACK? 
Question: Hi, I am from the UK and my ex-boyfriend has been diagnosed unofficially with BPD. We were childhood sweethearts that got back together after 30yrs. He told me he had never stopped loving me. We were back together for nearly 3 yrs in which time I have had from him jealousy especially over my past, anger, moods, emotional abuse, push/pull. He drinks. I would say he is high functioning. Everyone else thinks he’s a great guy. It was my fault for everything. Accused me of things I didn’t say or did or looking at other men. The last 9 months we were together he said we could only be friends as he felt guilty as his kids did not know about us. We acted as if we were a couple. He knew he was hurting me. I stayed with him because I thought he had depression and wanted to be there for him. I love him very much. He was emotionally and physically abused as a child. His brother committed suicide. At times he would cry like a baby and say he needed me and then said he was trying to get rid of me. He met an American on a business trip and said he has never felt like this before and moved to the US. I said goodbye at the airport and never saw him again. Was told by text and a couple of tel. calls. He says he does not want contact with me. He told me I was one of life’s genuine diamonds. He used to say we would always be in each others lives even as friends. My questions are: 1. Why can he not have contact with me? 2. Will he ever come back? 3. Does this woman mean more to him? I’m still in therapy because of what he has done and can’t get my head round all this. Please, can you answer these questions? Thank you. Dr. Heller’s Answer: While I don’t know the details or his side of the story, I might be able to offer some insight if he really does have the BPD. Borderlines suffer extremely painful lives. On a regular basis they have unprovoked mood swings, chronic anger/irritability, emptiness and boredom. With a mood swing or under stress they get a seizure in the trapped, cornered, wounded animal instinct part of the brain resulting in dysphoria (anxiety, rage, depression and despair). If the seizure spreads to the temporal lobes they can get deja vu and a sense of unreality. When an individual with the BPD falls in love the brain produces its own narcotic – endorphins. These endorphins stop their emotional pain, usually for somewhere between 3 and 15 months, and borderlines can be pure love. After this timeframe their symptoms come back just like they were before. It’s not uncommon for them to blame their new mate for the symptoms returning. If the borderline falls in love again those symptoms will go away again, usually for 3-15 months. I don’t have a crystal ball and I can’t predict the future, but when his mood swings and anger come back he’ll probably do the same thing to his “new love.” Sometimes they stay with the new person for good reasons. Sometimes the new person also has the BPD and the endorphins are really flowing for a while. A BPD/BPD relationship can persist because they both have fears of abandonment that keep bringing them back. Regardless, your faith in this individual has been crushed and you’ll never trust him again like you did before. Without trust there can be no successful relationship. You likely feel betrayed and that’s a hard feeling to overcome. Your therapist can help you with that. Don’t draw the wrong conclusion and give up on love, however. I’d highly recommend reading “Are You the One for Me?” by Barbara DeAngelis. 
1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 Ask the Doctor Home 
MENU: 
Screening Test “Ask the Doctor” (BPD)Borderline Personality Disorder Annual Updates Biological Unhappiness Disorders & Official Criteria Dr. Heller’s C.V. & Picture How Dr. Heller Got Involved If You Want to See Dr. Heller as a Patient Testimonials Table of Contents for the Book ‘Biological Unhappiness’ How to Order “Life at the Border” Why Read ‘Biological Unhappiness’? Goals AD(H)D and Relationships BPD, Bipolar or ADHD? Suicide What if BuSpar makes me anxious or ill? A Suicide Attempt Per Minute in the US Grandparents raising Grandchildren Information About Children What Signs are there that Someone May ‘SNAP’? TV & Cartoon Characters with Depression & Other Disorders Dr. Heller’s Office Website Dr. Heller’s Lectures Mentally Healthy People Retraining the Brain Today is a Gift Reviews Links Webrings Site Index Home 
Video DVDs now available! You can watch and listen to Dr. Heller in the comfort and convenience of your own home. Provides full explanations and treatment descriptions of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – 90 minutes, other Biological Unhappiness disorders – 90 minutes. Click here to find out more about Dr. Heller’s educational videos. “Biological Unhappiness” “Open this book and it will open your mind. By combining proven medical procedure with hope and inspiration, Dr. Heller has made a significant difference in thousands of patients who had little hope for recovery. “Biological Unhappiness” contains critical information for those who have lost hope.”Zig Ziglar, motivational speaker, author, See You at the Top, Over the Top, Success for Dummies, Raising Positive kids in a Negative World. 
Dr. Leland Heller Dyslimbia Press, Inc. 1713 US Hwy 441 N, Suite E Okeechobee, FL 34972 863-467-8771 Email:
Hours: M-Thu. 8:30AM-5PMFri. 8:30AM-12 Noon*(*During November through April, the office is open until 3PM on Fridays.) All material not explicitly credited otherwise is copyrighted © 1999-2011 Dr. Leland Heller. All Rights Reserved. May not be duplicated without the permission of Dr. Leland Heller or Dyslimbia Press. Biological Unhappiness, BiologicalUnhappiness.com, & Dyslimbia Press are trademarks of Dr. Leland HellerDesigned and/or hosted by the webmasters at: US-Webmasters.com (TM) Start here to find it FAST!(TM)
Skip to content