Medical Literature

What Can I Do To Help My Abused Fiancee?

    What Can I Do To Help My Abused Fiancée?

    QUESTION:

    Dear Dr. Heller,

    I came across your website while looking for information that might enable me to help understand my fiancé.

    The material that I have already read, about the effects of child abuse, said that people who are abused as children have a lot of problems trusting people and discussing their emotions.  And that is so true of him.  He never wants to talk about how he feels, especially when he’s upset or angry, and we have a slight problem with trust.  I was just wondering if you would take the time to give me some advice on how I can help him overcome the effects of being abused as a child.

    Your help is greatly appreciated.

     

    ANSWER:

    1)    He needs professional counseling – especially before you get married and the intimacy fears cause marital problems. 2)    He needs his diagnoses treated, whether from the BPD, PTSD, etc.  The screening test I use for my patients may be of great help to both of you.

Separator (Biological Unhappiness)

 

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Am I Feeling Sad For No Reason?

QUESTION:

Dr. Heller,

HI, I JUST WANTED TO ASK IF THERE IS A WAY TO FIND OUT IF MY FEELING SAD FOR NO REASON IS A BIOLOGICAL THING.  I HEARD I HAD A GREAT GRANDFATHER KILL HIMSELF AT 93 AND ALMOST EVERY GIRL IN MY FAMILY HAS BEEN DEPRESSED OR UNHAPPY AT SOME POINT.  I ALWAYS THINK I AM DYING.  I AM ONLY 25 AND WAS DEPRESSED AT 19 FOR 1 FULL YEAR.  I HELPED MY SELF WITH STRENGTH AND HELP FROM MY FAMILY – HUSBAND, PARENTS AND SIBLINGS.  I AM PREGNANT WITH MY THIRD BABY AND ALWAYS FEEL SAD ON CLOUDY DAYS FOR ANY REASON.  ALL I THINK ABOUT IS HOW AFRAID I AM TO DIE.  WHAT CAN I DO?

UNHAPPY IN NY

ANSWER:

You shouldn’t be feeling this bad.  It’s neither normal nor healthy.  The screening test I use for my patients will be of help to you in finding the diagnoses.  I encourage you to spend time on the Website, and my books may be of great help to you as well.  Please understand that you absolutely, positively don’t have to feel this way.

What Can I Do For My Fear Of Flying?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

I have developed over time an extremely high anxiety when flying.  It has gotten so bad I don’t think I can board another plane.  My job requires that I travel 6 to 10 days a month(20k miles a mo.)  I am going to lose my job over this.  My doctor won’t prescribe a tranquilizer for me.  I am at the end of my rope:  Lose my job (and thus my family and home) or my life in a plane crash.  What can I do?

ANSWER:

Medication is likely required, at least in the short term.  I recommend you do the screening test I use for my patients, it will likely be of assistance to you.  Making all the diagnoses and treating them is very important. There are many specialists in this field who can work with you to desensitize yourself towards this fear.

Is There a Place my Ex-girlfriend can get Information?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr.:

My soon to be X-girlfriend, is a 31yr. old adoptee. Her adoptive parents are good people, told her at about 3 yrs. that they went to a place where there were lots of wonderful babies, and that’s where they got her. After seeing her birth mother at a wedding, with her happy 7 grown children, she seems to be on a downward spiral of self-destruction.

Our relationship was dysfunctional and abusive. It seems that I am the rescuer here, She is like a vessel that cannot be filled, constant attention, $, love, isn’t enough, Her abusive behavior seems to fit into the Borderline Personality Disorder category, blames me, over reacts to trivial things and blames me, drinking to much, puts me down, berating in public and privately, thinks that she is somehow better than me, constant validation from men, criticizing me to everyone she meets, has a convenient memory, I have left the relationship as I have seen the light of my enabling and co-dependency, low self esteem, etc., etc. I know this sounds ridiculous but , she truly is a wonderful lost little girl, who desperately needs help, is there a way you could help me to help her? A test of some kind , a starting place to open her eyes to the possibility that she might have a disorder of some kind?

 

ANSWER:

The screening test I use for my patients will be of use to her. The front cover of my first book “Life at the Border – Understanding and Recovering from the Borderline Personality Disorder” has been made with your purpose in mind. If the BPD does fit, she can go over the criteria.