Can I be Both Codependent and Have the BPD?
QUESTION:
Dr. Heller,
My doctor has already diagnosed me as being codependent. During my last visit, he said I have some of the symptoms of BPD. I read the entire list, and some of these I do not feel describe me at all. I have never taken part in self-mutilation, nor have I ever gone on reckless sexual excursions.
I do suffer from bulimia, abused alcohol in the past, and I currently smoke a half of a pack of cigarettes a day. I do not like being alone, and I do try to avoid it because I generally become depressed if I am left alone to only think. I rarely lose my temper, but I also have been diagnosed as having TMJ because I clench my jaws a great deal, especially when I am under stress. Is it possible for me to be both codependent (which I have no doubt in my mind that I am) and BPD (I really do wonder about this)?
Thank you for your answer.
ANSWER:
Of course, theres no official definition of co-dependency, but it generally means being more concerned with others than with yourself rather than being in balance, putting up with and/or enabling others to do things that are harmful to both of you, and/or spending more time worrying about other people than taking care of your own needs. Co-dependency can be a learned behavior (such as from a dysfunctional family), the result of a biological process (such as the genetic generalized anxiety disorder), or an adaptation (like being in an abusive relationship and trying to keep peace in the home).
Many individuals with the BPD show co-dependency for any or all of the above reasons. Avoiding pain and fear is of primary importance to an individual with the BPD. Of course, I dont know whether you have the BPD or not. The official criteria are very specific and refer to a pervasive pattern since early adulthood – which includes adolescence. I believe the BPD begins at puberty when the limbic system goes into hyperdrive and an individual is at his/her greatest risk of seizures.
From what you wrote, you likely fit criteria 4 and 1. You live your life. You need to determine if the criteria do fit you and your life. I encourage you to look at the BPD and the other diagnoses I described in the screening test – which should give you a great deal of information.
